TEN things you wish you could say to TEN different people right now:

10. "Everything is going to be alright. Even if you don't think you do, you matter. You matter to me, you matter to your friends, you matter to the ones you love."

9. "You made my life so much better by just being in it."

8. "There is so much I wish I could do for you, just because I think that you should be the happiest person on the planet. I wish he could just SEE that. I wish he could see how amazing you are."

7. "Stop wishing you were happy and be happy. Sheesh! It's just that easy! You know I love you."

6. "I'm sorry for all the stupid mistakes that I've made, and that I haven't been the best person."

5. "I mean, seriously--drugs? Is that REALLY a good idea?"

4. "Good luck. I think he's the luckiest man in the world to be marrying you."

3. "I don't trust you anymore."

2. "You give the best hugs. Maybe it's just the way you smile at me right before you engulf me and pick me up--like I'm the only girl in the world and you are lucky enough to know me. Really, I'm the one that's lucky to know you."

1. "Learn to appreciate what you have before you lose it."

NINE things about yourself:

9. I love reading books that focus on relationships between people: between lovers, sisters, brothers, families, everything.

8. I am afraid I won't make it very far in the world.

7. I love intellectual movies.

6. If I could, I would crochet non-stop.

5. I am very hard on myself, and am constantly questioning what I've done and why I did it. Of course, that makes me feel WORSE about my bad decisions, but oh well.

4. I love to dance.

3. I love my family more than anything. I would do anything for my mom.

2. Sweet country songs make me cry.

1. Laughter isn't the best medicine--it's the only medicine I have left that works.

EIGHT ways to win your heart:

8. Be honest with me.

7. Have a great sense of humor.

6. Listen to me, get to know me. Don't just PRETEND to get to know me--really and truly want to know about me. Because I want to know about you.

5. Talk about serious things with me.

4. Smile.

3. Treat me tenderly.

2. Be understanding when I cry.

1. Hold me.

SEVEN things that cross your mind a lot:

7. What the hell am I doing?

6. What the hell did I just do?

5. Why the hell isn't my memory working?

4. What did my customer just say? Do I care?

3. Oh shit!

2. Did I disappoint her/them again?

1. Why can't I do this right? Why can't I learn?

SIX things you do before you fall asleep :

6. Stretch out on the bed.

5. Talk to Ben.

4. Read for a while.

3. Brush my teeth.

2. Write.

1. See when I work and decide if I need to set the alarm.

FIVE people who mean a lot at the moment: (not in any order)

5. Mom

4. Becca

3. Biz

2. Ben

1. Val

FOUR things you see right now:

4. Cell phone

3. Notebook

2. mp3 player

1. Picture of Mom and me

THREE songs that you listen to often at the moment:

3. BoA--I Did it for Love

2. Matt Nathanson--Come On Get Higher

1. Emerson Drive--Fall Into Me

TWO things you want to do before you die:

2. Finish a novel. Not even publish it--I just want to be able to finish one.

1. Spend as much time with the ones I love.

ONE confession:

I'm so afraid that Ben will wake up one day and realize that I have nothing to offer him.